Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions Anymore (And What I Do Instead)

For as long as I can remember, New Year’s resolutions were a staple in my life. Each January, I’d sit down with a fresh notebook, dreaming up an ambitious list of goals for the upcoming year. This will be the year I lose the weight, save the money, or finally get my life together, I’d tell myself.

But as the months rolled by, the enthusiasm I felt in January inevitably waned. By February, most of my resolutions had fallen by the wayside, leaving me frustrated, disheartened, and, honestly, a little ashamed.

Sound familiar?

It’s not just me. Studies show that over half of people who set New Year’s resolutions fail to achieve them. And yet, year after year, many of us fall into the same pattern, hoping this time will be different.

In December 2023, I decided to break the cycle. I stopped making New Year’s resolutions entirely—and I’ve never looked back.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work

1. External Motivations Often Drive Resolutions: When I think back to the resolutions I used to set—losing weight, saving more, or working harder—they all had one thing in common: they weren’t truly for me. Sure, I said I wanted those things, but deep down, my motivation came from a desire to meet someone else’s expectations or fit into societal norms. Did I really want to lose 5 kilograms, or was I trying to conform to an idea of beauty I didn’t even believe in? Was saving money my genuine goal, or was I trying to appear more responsible to others?

Resolutions rooted in external motivation are bound to fail because they lack the deep, intrinsic connection needed to sustain them. Without that connection, it’s only a matter of time before distractions, excuses, or doubt creep in.

2. Misalignment with Personal Vision: Another challenge with my resolutions was that they rarely aligned with my bigger vision for my life. If I imagined my ideal self five years from now, my focus might be on meaningful relationships, professional growth, or mental well-being. Yet, my resolutions were often centered on superficial, unrelated goals.

This misalignment left me feeling uninspired and unmotivated. How could I stay committed to resolutions that didn’t even reflect the life I wanted to create?

3. The Weight of Unresolved Baggage: Every January, I’d approach my resolutions as if a clean slate magically appeared on the calendar. But the truth is, the past doesn’t disappear at midnight on December 31st. I was carrying unresolved emotions, unmet expectations, and old habits into the new year, sabotaging my fresh start before it even began.

One of the biggest breakthroughs for me was getting honest about the past. I asked myself:

• What did I hope to achieve last year?

• What actually happened?

• Why did things play out the way they did?

• What lessons can I carry forward?

By addressing these questions, I found closure and freed myself from the emotional weight that had been holding me back.

4. Poorly Designed Goals: Many of my resolutions failed simply because they weren’t well thought out. Vague statements like “get healthier” or “be better with money” are easy to forget and impossible to measure. Without clarity or specificity, I had no way of knowing if I was making progress—or even what progress looked like.

5. No Roadmap for Success: Finally, I realized I was missing the most critical component of goal-setting: implementation. Resolutions often rely on sheer willpower, which is a finite resource. I had no concrete plan to turn my aspirations into reality.

The Turning Point: From Resolutions to Intentions

In 2023, I decided to try something radically different. Instead of making resolutions, I shifted my focus to intention-setting.

What’s the difference?

Resolutions are often rigid, outcome-focused, and based on fixing perceived flaws. Intentions, on the other hand, are fluid, process-oriented, and rooted in authenticity. They reflect how I want to feel and who I want to become rather than what I think I should accomplish.

How I Set Intentions

1. I Start in December: Why wait until January? Yes, December can be chaotic—I get it. As a mom of five children, running two businesses, and juggling ongoing studies, the holiday season doesn’t exactly come with a pause button. But that’s exactly why I make time for this.

In mid-December, I carve out a “Mommy Free Day” and mark it on my calendar weeks in advance. It’s non-negotiable. I head to the beach—a place that instantly grounds me—and start the intentional process of reflecting and recalibrating for the New Year.

This day is my gift to myself. I review the past year, celebrate my wins, and take time to learn from my challenges. This reflection isn’t just about looking back—it’s about finding clarity, creating closure, and stepping into the New Year with intention and purpose.

 For me, December isn’t the finish line. It’s the foundation for everything that comes next.

2. I Align My Intentions with My Vision: While sitting on the beach, I dive into the Unstoppable Me Workbook, which starts with one essential step: Envisioning my ideal life before setting any intentions.

This is my time to dream big and connect with my future self.

I reflect on questions like:

·         What do I want my life to look like in five years?

·         How do I want to feel every day?

·         What values matter most to me?

By anchoring my intentions to this clear, expansive vision, I make sure they’re not just a checklist of goals—they’re deeply meaningful and truly inspiring. This connection to my bigger picture gives the purpose and energy for my intentions to carry me through the year ahead.

3. I Get Specific and Actionable: Instead of making vague resolutions like “spend more time with my kids,” I aligned my intentions with a clear personal vision of being emotionally and physically present in their lives.

I envisioned the kind of mom I want to be: one who listens with full attention, creates moments of joy, and models resilience and kindness.

From that vision, I set clear, actionable intentions. In 2023, I committed to:

1.       Scheduling dedicated one-on-one time with each of my five children every week.

2.       Practicing mindfulness to manage stress and stay grounded in the moment.

3.       Establishing firm boundaries around work and phone use to prioritize uninterrupted family time.

These intentions weren’t about adding more tasks to my already busy life—they were about consciously designing my days to reflect what truly matters. By focusing on small, meaningful actions, I ensured that 2024 was a year filled with presence, connection, and the kind of moments my children will treasure for years to come. This intentional approach allowed me to create a life where my family feels deeply valued, and I feel fulfilled and aligned with my purpose as a mom.

4. I Stay Connected to My Why: Every intention I set is tied to a clear "why." If I can’t articulate why something matters to me, it doesn’t make the list. This connection to my deeper purpose fuels my motivation and helps me stay committed. Below are a few examples of my intentions for success in my new business, managing my family, and making an impact in the lives of those around me through life coaching:

1. Growing My New Business

Intention: Commit to building a sustainable business that aligns with my values of connection, empowerment, and growth.

Why: I want to create a business that not only supports my family but also empowers others to transform their lives. This vision drives me to show up every day with dedication, knowing that the work I do has the power to create lasting impact.

 2. Managing Five Children with Purpose

Intention: Implement daily routines that prioritize connection and emotional well-being within my family.

Why: As a mom of five, I recognize that the days can easily slip by in a blur of activities. By prioritizing intentional moments of connection, I create a loving environment where my children feel supported, heard, and nurtured, which is crucial for their development.

3. Changing Lives through Life Coaching

Intention: Offer coaching sessions that empower my clients to tap into their full potential, improve their mental clarity, and build emotional resilience.

Why: My purpose as a life coach is to help others break free from limiting beliefs and create fulfilling lives. By focusing on the needs of my clients, I am not only contributing to their personal growth but also uplifting entire communities, families, and future generations.

4. Strengthening Relationships with Friends and Family

Intention: Be fully present and intentional in my relationships with friends and family.

Why: I believe that meaningful connections are the foundation of a happy and fulfilled life. By nurturing these relationships, I create a support system that strengthens both my emotional resilience and my ability to show up as my best self in all areas of life.

5. Contributing to My Community’s Growth

Intention: Host workshops and retreats that offer tools for mental clarity, self-empowerment, and personal development.

Why: I want to create spaces where people can experience breakthroughs and real transformation. Through these events, I can support individuals in achieving their goals and create a ripple effect of positive change that extends far beyond the room.

Each of these intentions is tied to my "why"—the core belief that by living with purpose and passion, I can create meaningful change in my own life and the lives of others.

5. I Embrace Flexibility

Unlike rigid New Year’s resolutions, which often feel like unyielding contracts, intentions are adaptable. Life is unpredictable, and I’ve learned that embracing flexibility allows my intuition and a deeper intelligence, in my case, God (you may call it God, the Universe, or your higher self)—to guide me in ways I couldn’t have planned.

Here are a few examples of how I remain flexible, trusting that my deeper wisdom is steering me in the right direction:

1. Growing My New Business

Intention: Build a business that aligns with my values of connection and empowerment.

Flexibility: While I have a clear vision for my business, I remain open to new opportunities that come my way. When unexpected avenues appear, like a community organization reaching out for support, I trust that these opportunities are divinely guided, even if they weren’t part of my original plan. By following my intuition, I can allow my business to grow in a way that aligns with my soul’s purpose.

2. Managing Five Children

Intention: Create routines that prioritize connection and well-being in my family.

Flexibility: Some days, life throws curveballs—someone’s sick, or there’s an unexpected event. Instead of stressing, I lean into my intuition, trusting that I can adjust and still honor my intention. If I can’t fit in a family walk, for instance, I trust that a few extra moments of one-on-one connection with my children will serve our family’s needs in a deeper way.

3. Changing Lives through Life Coaching

Intention: Help my clients achieve mental clarity and emotional resilience.

Flexibility: During coaching sessions, my intuition often guides the conversation in unexpected directions. I don’t ever come in with a plan, but when a client’s energy shifts or a new insight arises, I follow that guidance. Trusting in the deeper intelligence at work, I know that these intuitive adjustments are what will lead to the most profound breakthroughs for my clients.

4. Strengthening Relationships with Friends and Family

Intention: Be present and intentional in my relationships.

Flexibility: Life’s unpredictability often means I need to adjust my plans. A friend might need me in a way I didn’t expect, or a child may require extra attention. When these moments arise, I listen to my intuition and adjust accordingly, trusting that these spontaneous connections are exactly what’s needed for the growth and nourishment of my relationships.

5. Contributing to My Community’s Growth

Intention: Host workshops and retreats for personal growth.

Flexibility: Not every event goes as planned. Sometimes the energy in the room shifts, or unexpected challenges arise. Rather than forcing things to follow a strict agenda, I allow my intuition and the flow of the moment to guide me, trusting that a deeper intelligence is leading us to the exact experience that is needed for each person in the group.

By embracing flexibility, I open myself to the guidance of my deeper intelligence. I trust that life’s twists and turns are all part of a larger plan, and by following my intuition, I’m led exactly where I need to be.

Why Neuroscience Supports Intention-Setting

One of the reasons intention-setting works is that it aligns with how our brains are wired. Neuroscience shows that intrinsic motivation—driven by personal meaning and joy—is far more sustainable than external pressure. When our actions are connected to something deeply personal and meaningful, our brains release dopamine, which fuels motivation and focus.

By visualizing a clear, compelling vision of my future self, I activate my brain’s reward system. This sense of purpose and excitement keeps me engaged in the process and strengthens my commitment. But motivation alone isn’t enough—accountability and measurability are key to maintaining progress.

To ensure I stay on track, I break my intentions down into small, actionable steps. This makes my goals feel achievable and gives me tangible markers to track progress. Every small step completed provides a sense of accomplishment, reinforcing positive habits and motivating me to keep moving forward.

For example, rather than setting a vague intention like "get healthier," I specify actionable steps such as "walk 30 minutes every day" or "drink 8 glasses of water each day." These actions are measurable, and by tracking them, I can hold myself accountable, celebrate small wins, and adjust my approach when necessary.

By combining a compelling vision, small actionable steps, and measurable goals, I create a feedback loop that keeps me motivated and moving towards my larger intentions. Neuroscience shows that this approach helps our brains stay focused, build new habits, and ultimately achieve lasting success.

Looking Ahead to 2025

As I approach 2025, I’m not weighed down by the baggage of unmet resolutions or unrealistic expectations. Instead, I’m stepping into the new year with clarity, courage, and a deep sense of purpose.

My vision for the future is simple but powerful: to live a life of well-being, connection, and authenticity. Every intention I set is a stepping stone toward that vision.

An Invitation to Try Something New

If New Year’s resolutions work for you, that’s amazing. But if you’ve found yourself stuck in the same cycle of unmet goals, I encourage you to try something different this year.

Define your personal vision. Set meaningful intentions. And give yourself the freedom to adapt and grow.

To help you get started, I’ve created a workbook called Unstoppable You 2025, where you’ll find structured exercises, prompts, and action steps. Each section will guide you through the process of reflecting, envisioning, setting intentions, and staying accountable.

Email me: jaxlifecoach101@gmail.com for a free copy and step boldly into the future—not with resolutions, but with intention.

Here’s to 2025- A year of Growth, Joy, and Purpose.